When it suddenly hits you that all you’ve done with your life is NOTHING.
That you THOUGHT you were okay with life.
But you were just kidding youself.
I’m not sitting still anymore.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Lets not talk about it
"I wish there were words,
I wish there were ways,
I wish I cold just express how I feel exactly.
I wish I could show you
tell you
how I am
how I feel
I wish I didn’t sound so absurd.
I wish the meanings would
could
flow endlessly.
I wish I knew how.
I wish I knew when.
I wish I didn’t need to wish.
I wish I had something more to wish for.
Oh, but wishing gets me nowhere.
It gets me sitting alone writing in a lousy note book,
about lousy wishes."
" I want to be better,
but when will I be good the way I am?
When can I take a break from self improvement, and just be myself?
And let myself be good.
Oh, and never."
I wish there were ways,
I wish I cold just express how I feel exactly.
I wish I could show you
tell you
how I am
how I feel
I wish I didn’t sound so absurd.
I wish the meanings would
could
flow endlessly.
I wish I knew how.
I wish I knew when.
I wish I didn’t need to wish.
I wish I had something more to wish for.
Oh, but wishing gets me nowhere.
It gets me sitting alone writing in a lousy note book,
about lousy wishes."
" I want to be better,
but when will I be good the way I am?
When can I take a break from self improvement, and just be myself?
And let myself be good.
Oh, and never."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Can't say I didn't see that one coming.
So, today was great. In one of those “the world feels right” kind of ways. Just the simplicity of music, sunshine, and the wind in your face kind of thing.
I got up about 10 and got “ready” and went to the tanning bed (which I would have totally given up on if I hadn’t spent 40 plus dollars on the stupid ordeal (curse you prom)) came home finished getting ready. Lifted a beast mode carpet cleaner into the back of my jeep, ate a sandwich and drove to Hartselle. Got there a little before noon. Cleaned Betty’s house and carpet until about… I don’t know… five, she threw in a free meal too. Got fifty bucks, not to shabby. And then drove home in the amazing weather.
All I ask of life anymore is free time to drive around, or be alone. I’m retarded. I enjoy aloneness too much.
People are just so…. annoying.
All people, myself included. We’re never happy.
I just enjoy not having to explain myself to everyone. ‘Cause God forbid I’m ever understood, by anyone including myself. And people’s feelings are so dang tender, can’t do anything these days without sending someone home crying.
(I’m sure not ALL people are like this, just the ones I spend most of my time around.)
Anyhow. Came home from my amazing drive home and got a shower. Had plans to meet hang out with some people….and….
That’s when the shit hit the fan.
I don’t even really know the details leading up to all this; but because of the exceedingly abundant amount of time I spend with the persons involved I feel as though I have a slight clue on how it all went down.
Basically (just to sum this up)
people got their feelings hurt.
A lot.
And I said something, hurting more feelings and making matters worse.
So I left.
And intended to go home.
But didn’t feel like it and I started driving toward Trinity.
Then turned around, and went in the totally opposite direction toward Priceville.
And ended up letting my more dramatic emo kid side out.
So I went to the cemetery my dad is buried in.
I think it’s been about three or four years since the last time I was there, and well I felt it time to pay a visit. (plus, not many people are there, well living ones, and no one would look for me there.) I felt like such a crap face cause I spent a good five minuets trying to find/remember where he was placed in the cemetery. It was pathetic. So if someone was watching from a far, a large, very noisy, jeep pulls in a dark cemetery (which I found out later it is illegal to be in a cemetery after dark (I don’t get out much)) and an awkward figured girl with large curly hair walks out and wonders around with her cell phone lighting her way wearing an Obama and Martin Luther King t-shirt.
Then later met up with Justine and Garrett at the river.
And we just chilled.
And someone may or may not have been proposed to on the docks.
We weren’t sure. I really want to find out.
Went to taco hell and found out that one of the workers there has an amazing taste in music, went to my house and the three of us hung out on my rarely used trampoline until about midnight when Garrett had to go home.
Then I came inside, and well. Started telling the blogger world about my lame day.
I lead such an exciting and nice life. Don’t envy me too much.
well this is all for now.
kbye
I got up about 10 and got “ready” and went to the tanning bed (which I would have totally given up on if I hadn’t spent 40 plus dollars on the stupid ordeal (curse you prom)) came home finished getting ready. Lifted a beast mode carpet cleaner into the back of my jeep, ate a sandwich and drove to Hartselle. Got there a little before noon. Cleaned Betty’s house and carpet until about… I don’t know… five, she threw in a free meal too. Got fifty bucks, not to shabby. And then drove home in the amazing weather.
All I ask of life anymore is free time to drive around, or be alone. I’m retarded. I enjoy aloneness too much.
People are just so…. annoying.
All people, myself included. We’re never happy.
I just enjoy not having to explain myself to everyone. ‘Cause God forbid I’m ever understood, by anyone including myself. And people’s feelings are so dang tender, can’t do anything these days without sending someone home crying.
(I’m sure not ALL people are like this, just the ones I spend most of my time around.)
Anyhow. Came home from my amazing drive home and got a shower. Had plans to meet hang out with some people….and….
That’s when the shit hit the fan.
I don’t even really know the details leading up to all this; but because of the exceedingly abundant amount of time I spend with the persons involved I feel as though I have a slight clue on how it all went down.
Basically (just to sum this up)
people got their feelings hurt.
A lot.
And I said something, hurting more feelings and making matters worse.
So I left.
And intended to go home.
But didn’t feel like it and I started driving toward Trinity.
Then turned around, and went in the totally opposite direction toward Priceville.
And ended up letting my more dramatic emo kid side out.
So I went to the cemetery my dad is buried in.
I think it’s been about three or four years since the last time I was there, and well I felt it time to pay a visit. (plus, not many people are there, well living ones, and no one would look for me there.) I felt like such a crap face cause I spent a good five minuets trying to find/remember where he was placed in the cemetery. It was pathetic. So if someone was watching from a far, a large, very noisy, jeep pulls in a dark cemetery (which I found out later it is illegal to be in a cemetery after dark (I don’t get out much)) and an awkward figured girl with large curly hair walks out and wonders around with her cell phone lighting her way wearing an Obama and Martin Luther King t-shirt.
Then later met up with Justine and Garrett at the river.
And we just chilled.
And someone may or may not have been proposed to on the docks.
We weren’t sure. I really want to find out.
Went to taco hell and found out that one of the workers there has an amazing taste in music, went to my house and the three of us hung out on my rarely used trampoline until about midnight when Garrett had to go home.
Then I came inside, and well. Started telling the blogger world about my lame day.
I lead such an exciting and nice life. Don’t envy me too much.
well this is all for now.
kbye
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